Apparently being told I am not ALLOWED to eat is still a terrifying concept for me.
I am having my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow morning, and need to do a 12-hour fast before it. 12 hours isn’t even that long, but it made me freak out a little bit. I binge ate tonight, and now I’m really uncomfortable because I am so full.
I think part of it is that I still make mistakes. I still misjudge how much food I need. I still catch myself hungry. I cannot trust myself that I have actually eaten enough to make it through until morning.
In direct contrast, last night I came home from work at 10:30 and went to bed without eating. I wasn’t hungry, and just needed to sleep. But apparently I was wrong, because I could not fall asleep due to my thoughts whispering
over and over.
I had to go downstairs and eat some cheerios and milk before I could fall asleep. That shut the whispers down.
So tonight, I made sure that wasn’t going to happen. But I ate and ate and ate even after I knew I was full. I feel the most full and uncomfortable right now than I have been in months. And I want to throw the food up, but I can’t because I am afraid the *I’m hungry!* whispers will come back.
What am I doing to myself? When did fasting for 12 hours become such a big deal?